just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
