Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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