We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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