Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
