you would pick up someone in the library
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize