So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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