Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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