how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
