It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
