Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
