Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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