"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
