Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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