not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
