Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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