Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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