i jhust puked up my retainher.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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