4 words: hood of his car
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
