fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
In America we eat man semen.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
