it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize