i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
