and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Redeem this text for a blowjob
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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