Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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