He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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