do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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