i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
