What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize