i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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