billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
