I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
