you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
