My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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