I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
