There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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