You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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