yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
