Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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