hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
