no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
