He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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