my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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