That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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