No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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