In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
