Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
