My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
