frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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