man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
