haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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