it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
