i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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