Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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