I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
