i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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