already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
