lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Duck Duck Cougar?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
