My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
