Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
