maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
please come you make the beer taste better
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
