why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have post one night stand depression
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
