apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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