Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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