overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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