I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
