I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
