anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
