next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
