I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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