I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
