I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
