I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
