she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
