mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He better not be in your backpack
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
