I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
