White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
