Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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