WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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