you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
