I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize