I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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