The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
