I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize