I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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