Don't make out with my wife yet
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
MIDGETS
????
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize