The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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