Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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