Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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