i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
