I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
