Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
