we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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