Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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