You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've blown a few things in my day
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
