the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
