I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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