p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
