I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
