Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize