I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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