you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
