after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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