and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
