this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
