I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
