my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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