cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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