I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
