the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
