there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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