To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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